Planning To Make No Plans

Well it is a beautiful Monday morning here in Silverton, Oregon. I woke up around 4:45am to birds starting their morning song. While I lie there I can count at least 6 different types of chirps. We have always had a lot of birds call our large lot home.



My mother gave me a bouquet of roses. This is one of my favorite variety.

By now you might of noticed I am a person who loves consistency. I love plans, goals and progress. My life feels best if I am living this type of rhythm. You might also have noticed that my body doesn't always cooperate with this pace of life. If you have been reading my blog for a while, you might notice that I have a few health goals, lifestyle goals, spiritual goals and environmental goals. Somebody forgot to notify my body so that it would cooperate.


This is what I woke up to yesterday morning.

This surgery that I had ended up being a big one. The incision is longer that I ever had. A lot of scar tissue was cleaned up and a lot of intestines were cut out. Plans for camping and fishing this summer are put on hold. (if it happens at all). Luckily Bailey's graduation party happened but we normally have people over for the fourth of July and if I am to be the one to do most of the work, well that will have to be canceled.


The sun was so bright and beautiful.

I will not be doing the household shopping for a few weeks so I can suggest items but the buying smarter for less packaging will for the most part be put on hold.



A perfect morning

My transportation plans are out the door also. I will probably only be going to doctor appointments for the next few weeks. I can't walk far and probably won't be able to bike ride for quite a while also.


My first visit to my ladies Sunday morning

My plans for staggering plantings and doing large amounts of canning and preserving are also set aside. I will still do more this year than last year because of having chemo last year. But my thoughts of really filling up the pantry with my homegrown produce was just a nice dream.




Did you miss me girls? I missed you!



So I guess the best plans for me to make is the plan not to make plans. I think of the gospel song One Day at a Time, but I don't think it was meant like I am having to live. Today, (Monday) I was blessed with a chorus of birds singing outside my window. A husband who takes the time to make coffee, visits with me and helps me outside to visit my ladies before he even takes off to go to work. I have a lovely home and yard to rest and recover at.



Need to check on my garden


Sometimes I wonder if God is thinking "man, what a greedy girl this Konnie is" I so often complain about my plans having to change and what I can't do and places I can't go. But I do recognize Gods gifts, even if I don't thank Him enough.



LL brought some raspberries in from our garden

So I do thank God for the gifts He has given all around me. And I do ask for continued healing. I would like to take less pain medicine and increase activity this week. That's it for my plans. Hopefully I will start posting regularly again. Have a great day.

So What Kind Of Blog Is It? STILL I WRITE

I started this blog in February. When I started writing, I was a little intimidated because lets face it, a writer I am not. My sentence structure is atrocious, my spelling not much better, and lets not even go into punctuations. When the heck am I suppose to use the comma. I must of been in a coma during my English class. But still I write.

When I started, I was a little afraid to tell anyone about this blog. I did tell some and was laughed at a little. One of the things I heard was, "Oh look, she put pictures of food on her blog, she thinks she's Julie from the movie Julie/Julia." And still I write.

I have become bolder in my writing, and more confident in opening myself up to being made fun of. I will not grow as a person if fear of looking silly keeps me from exploring and sharing. So Still I write.

I have just a handful of followers but have had many who are not listed tell me they read this blog most every day. This has given me the confidence to tell others about my blog. Usually the first thing they ask is "What kind of blog is it?" I tell them it is just about how I spend my day being mostly home bound, my thoughts, my hobbies, my chores, etc. They usually get a look on their face like "that's doesn't sound interesting". But I always give them the blog address and still I write.

So I thought I would blog today about what kind of blog this is and why I write it.

This blog is not a promotion of my hometown.

Although I love this quirky little town.

This blog is definitely not a home decor blog. I love reading some everyday. If you look to the right, down where you see "my blog list" you will find several great sites.

But even though I have a nice home, no one will accuse me of decorating it well. Unfortunately.

This blog is not about gardening, urban homesteading, or keeping chickens. I love reading blogs about these things and learn a lot from them all, but I am just learning how to make the most of my property, and even though living sustainably is important to me. Blogging each and every day about it would become tiresome for me.

As before, check out blog list. Some great Urban farms, and chicken farms on the list.

This is not a bento blog, even though I am a big fan of those blogs.

I am not artistic, and have a lot to learn. But I do enjoy taking pictures of LL's lunch from time to time and writing about it.

This is not a cooking blog, or a food blog of any kind. I like to cook and bake. But I am not very good at it. I love to eat and try new things but since my health doesn't allow this, it would be silly to even try to write a food blog.

I do write about cooking, bentos, home decor, becoming more environmentally responsible, and my town. I also write about my faith, family, feelings, and fears. This blog is about living every day to the best of my ability, and discovering who I am and who God wants me to be. Quirkiness and all.

Why? I could live my life and find who God wants me to be without blogging every day and risking looking stupid, or silly. I could. But I am not a journal writer, I don't know how much time I have on this earth. Hopefully many, many years. But the reality is my life may be over sooner than I had hoped. It might be for any of us. For me it is just more of a reality. With that said, and with my thanks to each and every one of you that reads this little blog, I want to really answer why I write this blog. I want my three children, now that they are grown, not to know just me their mom, but also me, Konnie the woman. Flaws and all. I hope someday they will have great stories to tell my grandchildren. So this blog is for Kane, Max and Bailey.

So Still I write:)

Who Is Konnie?

Really examining who I am as a person can be frustrating. When you are a person that doesn't ever quite fit in, but have spent a better part of your life trying to, it is hard to know exactly what you truly think, enjoy, believe in, or if you are influenced by what society, church, neighbors, family and friends say you should think, enjoy, and believe in.



On this road to intentional living, I am finding that in order to be truly successful in this endeavor, I need to really discover who I really am and who God really wants me to be. Over the years, while trying to but never quite succeeding at fitting in, I have been described as odd, eclectic, eccentric, liberal, moderate, christian, too worldly, "she marches to a different drummer", unusual, and so on. These all while I have been trying to fit in. Can you imagine, if I really start following my heart, what I will be called. Well so be it. Actually, I kind of like the eclectic and she marches to a different drummer labels. But anyway, there are a few things I know for sure about myself and a few things I have yet to discover.




I am a Christ follower. I love Jesus and the example he has set for me on how to live my life.

I am a die hard Democrat. Yes you can be a christian and Democrat at the same time, no matter what some friends have said at my old church.

I am a tree hugger, even more so since my cancer. I don't like chemicals in my food, I don't like to breathe it and clean with it. I need to do better at living an organic life, which is a goal I will be working on in the years to come. I don't compost enough, and buy way to much processed and plastic covered materials. But I do try to improve everyday.

I am a peacenik. I believe in peace, I believe wars are fought for the most part for big oil, NeoCons, who hide behind the flag and brain wash people into believing that a "true" American can't also be an peace loving Activist. Notice I did say for the most part. Almost nothing in this world is absolute.

I love simple living. I have in the past, been brainwashed by consumerism, but basically I have simple tastes and I enjoy a simple slow pace in life.

I love cargo pants and long sun dresses, even when they are out of style..........Who Cares!

I would rather be outside working then inside, this comes straight from my mothers genes.

I love Elton John and Steven Curtis Chapman. Talk about eclectic.

And above all else except God, I love my family. My husband, children, mother, siblings, nieces and nephews, in-laws and good friends.



So these are the things that I know for sure. There is much I don't know and slowly but surely will find out about myself.

I am tired of trying to fit in. Tired of worrying about being labeled odd, or a radical. God has put some principles in my heart that I have had since I was a child, my mom and siblings could attest to this. So I am choosing to embrace what I know to be true about myself. If it makes me eccentric and odd. So be it.



You might notice I put back up my peace background. It is my favorite and I will probably keep it for a while. I can't wait until I can afford the nikon camera I have been wanting, so tomorrow I will be picking up a cheap digital that's on sale at Sears. So new pictures soon. Whoo Hoo!

Background

Being the low tec girl that I am, I feel I am in a foreign land. But since last year (my restart button), I have lots to think over and lots of changes I want to happen. Even if no one reads this blog, this blog might keep me focased and help me live the life I want. I am a 47 yr old woman who has lived a hohum life. Oh big stuff happened to me, but not by choice. Big stuff like 6 years ago I lost my Dad to cancer (Nov. 2003), I lost my mother-in-law who lived with us (March 2004), my house burned down (June 2004) lost all material things, my son who has autism developed a serious mental illness (Aug. 2004).
Seems like huge restart buttons, but I continued sleepwalking through life just letting life happen.
Well last year was really my wake up call that life can be over before you start living it. Feb. 12 2009 my doctors found a huge tumor on my rectum. I have spent the last year with numerous surgeries, Chemo/radiation for 5 weeks and another chemo for 4 months. I am still recovering from my last surgery I had almost 4 weeks ago. I am in remission. I am ready to live life.
I don't mean go on elaborate vacations, bungie jump, leave my husband and live on a commune type life living. No!! I just mean living life with intention. For my recovery, I will be somewhat house bound for many months, perhaps a year or two. So the changes I need are spiritual, my way of relating to loved ones, and yes some activities I have always wanted but put off doing. Some things big and some little changes that are important only to me.
So there it is.........KJ's restart button. CANCER