I have been awake now for 3 hours. I did luckily get a couple of hours sleep before waking up and immediately thinking about the movie I just saw last night.....Precious.
It is kind of haunting me. What a tragic story. But then it got me thinking about the "randomness" of life. I understand difficult situations, bad situations happen because of bad choices. That I get. But when children are abused, jobs lost, serious illness happen to people just doing the best they can, well it does make you question Gods master plan. I know in my simple mind (and after chemo, it has gotten simpler) bad things happen to good people. God gives us free will and with the domino effect, innocent people get hurt. I also know God works to improve and protect us in ways we never notice. I get all that but I guess tonight, or should I say this morning I am feeling sorry for myself.
I certainly haven't lived a perfect life. I have made plenty of mistakes that probably has affected my health, finances, children and marriage. But I can honestly say I have never set out to hurt anyone. I see some in this world who are just plain mean and nasty and although they might get Gods judgement someday, most the time right now they are sailing through life. I don't wish harm on them, I just wish I could feel God's blessing stronger and more often.
Chalk this up to me being tired. But in keeping with my restart button and living with intentions, this means not to nicey-nice up what I really feel and just tonight, right at this moment, I am feeling sorry for myself. Tomorrow I am sure I will be back to normal. God willing.