Lydia Hamilton Smith

Mother Teresa once said, “Jesus, these are your hands, these are your feet, let me be your vessel today. Thank you that I can love one person at a time. Give me courage Lord to help these poorest of poor.”

I am always amazed by the capacity of kindness by a loving hand.  I often am inspired by philanthropist.  People who have more than enough, recognize this and give their time and dollars for a good cause. 

But I am truly astounded and inspired by those with little, giving of their time and what little they have, to people whom you would think they should hate.

I would like to introduce you to a woman named Lydia Smith.

Lydia was born to an Irish Father and an African American mother on Valentines day in the early 19th century.  She married a freed slave and had two sons.  She raised her sons alone, and became housekeeper to Thaddeus Stevens, a man who became a congressman.  When Mr. Stevens passed away, he left Lydia $5000.00.  She was able to buy the Stevens home in Gettysburg Pennsylvania.  Not a common thing back then for a woman to own a home and land.  Even rarer for a black woman.  But before that, Lydia saved and purchased a modest home where she lived when the civil war began.

Lydia's oldest son died in 1860.  Her other son Isaac, enlisted and fought for the union in the U.S. colored troops in 1863.  He served in Virginia.

In July, 1863, the civil war came practically to Lydia's doorstep in Gettysburg.  After the battle that lasted for days, the thousands of dead soldiers were scattered across the battlefield.  The wounded lay there for days, as the doctors were very few.  Lydia, went door to door to all her neighbors and asked for donations of food, blankets, etc.  She then carried food and water, to every survivor she could find.  But the donations were not enough, so Lydia used what little money she had and bought food and clothing.  By then, the men were in hospitals.  She took what she could to hospitals and distributed them to soldiers.  To the Union soldiers, and the confederate soldiers.  Yes, seeing someone in need, it did not matter to Lydia what color of uniform the man had on.  She, on the field, gave food and water to any man in need, and did the same in the hospital.

Lydia passed away on her birthday, Valentine's day 1884.  She is buried at St. Mary's Catholic Cemetery in Lancaster.

Now, that is a grave I would like to visit and bring flowers to.  What an inspiration.  A beautiful soul who knew the true meaning of giving and being the hands of Jesus.

Rawhide Down

Thirty years ago this week, President Reagan was shot.  Others were too.  Like when President Kennedy was killed, political parties, points of view about the President did not matter.  We are all Americans and they are Presidents of us all, and we mourn, worry, and pray all alike.

 If you go to the website down below and look at the picture, I really just wanted to point out the man on the right of Reagan.  His name is Jerry Parr.  He sacrificed his safety, had a quick body and even quicker mind.  He is an American Hero.  There are people around all of us doing heroic things everyday.  But even a man who did something that shaped the future from that point on, someone who has been seen hundreds of times by people watching the assassination attempt video, people do not know his name.  Great heroes almost always go unsung.  Just wanted to point out an American hero and say thank you for his bravery. 

Here is a new article you can check out.   Rawhide

I also try to never forget, no matter how I feel about Iraq, Afghanistan, and Libya, I appreciate, and am amazed at all the American heroes daily serving our country.  My nephew, Godson, Johnny included.

I Can Only Imagine..........PEACE

I am not a great writer.  I am not a great thinker.  What I do know is that the world is more complicated than it needs to be.  And I do not always like decisions our leaders make.  But instead of me going through my reasoning point by point.  I would rather leave something more positive on this post.  So I will let someone wiser, wittier, and more loving say what I am so ill-equipped to say.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."

"Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love."

"Peace begins with a smile.."

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."

"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."

"Live simply so others may simply live."

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."

-Mother Teresa

Show Me What I'm Looking For

Over the last couple weeks, I have been watching, like most of the world, the brave citizens of Egypt.  To see real change happen from peaceful uprising is quite inspirational.  While I am so happy to see the people of a nation, hope and make happen changes for a better life, and I am sure, getting rid of Mubarak was a necessary step for the better life; I am nervous for them, for Israel and for us Americans.  I pray for a true democracy there.  I, as a believer of the separation of church and State, have seen glimpses here in our wonderful country, the dangers of Church trying to impose it's values on the State as a whole.  I have also seen glimmers of the State trying to infuse secular ideas into religious institutions.  Whether Christian, Muslin, or other religions, Theocracies are very dangerous places.  I pray that Egypt does not head down that road.

With that said, I find the opposite should take place in my own personal life.  All my decisions should be guided by my Holy Spirit.  But this does not happen.  I, too often feel like I am swimming upstream, beating my head against a wall, finding it hard to make the changes in myself and my life.  But when I really look at what I am doing, I realise, I haven't even asked what changes need to happen, where should I be heading. 

Normally, I write a blog post and then pick a song that either reflects the post or reflects my mood.  For this post, the song, Show Me What I'm Looking For has inspired this blog post.  The song came first.  This is a song I hear often when riding in my daughter's car.  It's one of her favorite songs, and has become one of mine.  It has me thinking, why do I not change, improve, progress?  The line "Save Me!  I'm Lost" is exactly what I have not said in my prayers.  I have not asked to be shown what I'm looking for and where and who God wants me to be.  I just keep trying to be who I think I should be and failing miserably.  But I have hope.  I have hope because I don't have to keep beating my head against the wall.  I can quit swimming upstream.  I do not have to figure any of my life out by myself.  I just need to ask one thing in my prayers.  "Show me what I'm looking for."

Everyday Thanks

Tis the season here in America to prepare for Thanksgiving.  I love this holiday.  It can bring up thoughts of pilgrims, natives and supposedly the first Thanksgiving.  I love this holiday because it is a day put aside to spend time with family and friends, without the material trappings of Christmas and even Easter.  It is a day to give thanks to God for the blessings in your life.  I, on a daily basis, thank God for so much.  But I tend to remember to thank him for the things he has done for me.  There are so many blessings all around that go unnoticed, and unthanked, at least by me.

I am always thanking God for family, my health and moments of small miracles. But lately, because I have been spending so much time out in nature, looking through a camera lens, it is very hard to ignore the beauty in His creation.  I have seen lately, the panoramic view of the valley from on top of the Abbey hill.  I have seen the perfection of a wild mushroom up close, spontaneously growing from underneath a beautiful tree.  I have seen a single flower, soft petals surviving amongst the barren limbs of bushes.  I have seen squirrels bustling around the park, collecting as many nuts as they can find to store away for the winter.  OK, I really haven't thanked God for the squirrels.  They are still a sore spot for me.

While out enjoying the visions of nature, if I am really at peace and not burdened by nagging thoughts, the other senses can take over.  I can hear birds chirping, the creek waters rushing, and one of my favorite fall aromas, wood burning in near by houses.

As I get ready this week for family to arrive Thursday for dinner, I am sure I will be far too busy to contemplate and enjoy the riches our world has to offer outside.  So this is an early Thanksgiving prayer.  Thank you Lord for every thing you have done for me.  But especially, thank you for this habitat you have provided for all your children.  And thank you for giving me an awareness of the miracle of a flower, mushroom, and the blasted squirrels.

These Boots are made for Walking

The Rains are fully here now.  So I can now wear my garage sale polka dot rubber boots.  Boy can the chickens see me coming.

Have a Blessed Sunday.  Stay dry, and warm.  Cancel that.  Go put your rubber boots on, go, get out and get wet.  It then gives you an excuse to make hot chocolate, popcorn, pop in a DVD, and cuddle up with your LL.

God's Creatures Great and Small

I love animals.  I am not a vegetarian, so I can't claim not to ever be a part of using and hurting animals.  But   Uncle Leo supplies my beef.  Very humanely treated, and processed.  My eggs are from my own chickens and they have a good life.

I don't like what I see from large poultry farms and other farms with chickens, pigs, etc. never seeing the light of day their whole life.  Overcrowded, bred and fed for fast growing and fast harvesting.  The eggs you get from supermarket are a pale yellow yolk with shells that are soft.  My eggs are hard to crack and the yolks a golden orange.  Like they use to be.  I need to do a better job knowing where my fish and meats originate from. But I am getting better and I eat less meat than I use to.

The pets in my life are precious to me.  Even my chickens which really are livestock and I use them for their eggs, but I know their personalities and know when one is not well.  The boys are especially precious.  Beau and Rufus keep me company all day long.  And I love meeting new friends like this turtle named Yoda.

So Thank you God for these wonderful creatures you have put in my life.

True Desire, Not Guilt

I grew up going in this lovely church, St. Mary's Catholic Church in Mt. Angel.  My parents were married here.  I was baptised, confirmed, married and my children were baptised here.  I always felt church should be some place you go to because you want to be there to worship.  I feel guilt is a poor reason to attend so when raising our children we chose to go to a Friends church. 

Looking back, I don't think my parents guilted us kids to church but was more of an expected thing.  If I was honest, that is kind of like it was for my kids.  We didn't tell them they have to go, but just got them and us ready every Sunday, and just went.  I think this allows a young adult the freedom to choose their beliefs which I think is a more genuine and healthy relationship with God.

Bailey in particular, misses church if she doesn't attend regularly.  We talk in our house often about God's blessings, and even our frustrations with not understanding His plan.

I have not attended Church regularly for quite a while.  My "digestion" is so unpredictable and gas is a factor when sitting for a long period of time with a large group of people.  But I miss it.  I thought I might try to go to 5:30 Mass last evening but about 4:00, my issues started, so no go.  This morning things are still iffy.  So while letting the chickens out and feeding them, I started to analyse my feelings.  Do I feel guilty for not going to church every Sunday.  I don't.  I really miss the fellowship.  I miss sitting for an hour in a building set aside for God and His followers to be together.  For some reason this grounds me.  I feel at peace.  I feel whole when I attend service.  It doesn't matter which church.  I must admit some churches I would not feel comfortable in, but for the most part, Catholic, Quaker, Methodist, is just fine with me.  So for today, I will take more time to read my bible, except for needed daily chores, the day will be set aside for rest, and this will be good enough for my Father, I am sure. 

But I will try again and again, and maybe get the timing right between my eating and "digestion" and start going to church and basking in the delights of true fellowship and song:)

Holy Trinity-Sunday Musings

Whether you're a believer or not. Most everyone has heard of the Holy Trinity. It is God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Three separate yet one. The Catholics call it a Mystery, and it is.

I am a believer. I was raised in the Catholic church. Chose as an adult, the Quaker church. And now consider myself Quaklic. I have chosen to be a believer on purpose, not just am one because I was raised to be. Some would say that is being born-again, I just don't label it myself.

Back to the Holy Trinity. Even though I have put a lot of thought in being a believer, I have not thought a lot about the three separate but one aspects of God. I guess I haven't thought about it too much because when it comes to my life, They are such intricate part of my day to day life. Even when I try to ignore them. But that's another story. I woke up about three this morning worrying. My quarterly check-up is tomorrow. I had the tests last Monday, so tomorrow I find out if they can detect my cancer returning. I don't get much sleep between the two Mondays. I know, it is in God's hands, but it is what it is. Anyway, while worrying at three, I tried to hand it to God like I normally try to do.

You see, my relationship with God is very childlike. He is my dad, especially since my earth dad went to go live with God. So I go to God when I feel fear, need comforting, or am worrying. No going, worrying continued.

Without really being aware of it. I started talking to God, well Jesus. When ever I am just chatting away, you know, like talking to a friend or sibling, it is always Jesus I am talking to. I guess I just don't see God as the chatting type. Maybe because I imagine Him having better things to do. But not Jesus. He always has time for me.

So why am I still awake at 5:00 AM? Well there is someone missing in this awake time.............The Holy Spirit. It, (why is God and Jesus Hims and then I call the Spirit, It?). It or He or She, The Holy Spirit hasn't been talking to me. See that it my relationship with the Holy Spirit. My trusted Advisor. My Councilor. I have talked about my belief that anyone can hear God. Not an audio voice. But nudgings, Senses, and sometimes he screams at you in a non-verbal sort of way. Well that is the Holy Spirit in my life. I haven't been listening to Him lately, and now when I need His comfort and guidance......... well silence. It's just that I am out of practice. This happens when I stop listening (I have done it before). I never seem to stop praying to God, visiting with Jesus, but I often stop listening to the Holy Spirit. And then I can't hear Him.

So here I am, 5:00 in the morning, writing about my relationship with God. See, good things can come from insomnia:)
Well it looks like I am up for good now so Good Morning All and Have a Blessed Sunday!

A song by David

Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens,
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the great deep. O Lord, you preserve both man and beast.
How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of you wings. They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights.
For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.


Psalms 36: 5-9

Have a blessed day.

An Outdoor Weekend

You might already know this about me, I love the outdoors. I would rather be fishing and gardening than cleaning and decorating inside the house. I have not been well enough to fish or garden, so I have been getting cabin fever. I feel very blessed and loved by God today because this weekend I had plenty of outdoor time.

Friday morning my mom and Bailey took me shopping. (I can't drive yet). I bought a new dress, shoes and sweater for the weekend. I actually felt presentable. Friday night, my "digestion" a little iffy, I took the chance and went to a wedding. It took place outside in the country with fields as a backdrop. It was beautiful. I did not take pictures. Enjoying visiting with people too much to think about pix. Saturday, the weather still beautiful, I walked to the farmers market and LL met me there and we walked downtown and sat on a bench to people watch. One of our favorite past time. Went home and helped with a few chores. I found this beauty.


The most perfect little tomato I have ever seen. My sungold have been ripe, but my other little tomatos are now just ripening. Note to self.....Ask Aunt Leone the name of this tomato, I lost the tag. I rested the rest of afternoon, got gussied up again and went to another wedding. Again, beautiful. Both brides at the weddings were beautiful and this second wedding took place at the parents of the bride's home. They are our friends and knowing them, LL and I knew the setting would be gorgeous for the wedding. We were not disappointed. Again, LL and I visited with old friends and my "digestion" held up.........barely. Got home just in time. But oh what a wonderful time we had. LL said it was nice sitting and just being one of the couples without "cancer" being mentioned or a factor in our evening. He is right, and I feel bad that my health does seem to take center stage when we go places. Not sure how to change that. But if I could, he wouldn't have another moment of worry.

Sunday, LL grilled dinner for all three kids and me. I can't remember the last time we all sat for dinner together. Then LL and I went for a car ride up into the Cascade mountains to camping spot and Lake we have heard a lot about. "Digestion" did not cooperate but enough about that. Here are some pictures I took.


This is Rhodie Lake

LL and I both grew up only 20 or 30 miles from here but this is the first time we have been here. It is VERY remote and definitely in what you would call the Oregon wilderness.

This is why they call it Rhodie lake. Wild Rhodies all around the lake. I grew up on a nursery that raised Rhodies so I have a love for the plants. Wild ones are amazing in their own way.

Usually you see lily pads put in waters for decor. The patches of lily pads on this lake are natural and gorgeous. What lucky people us Oregonians are. The beach, valleys, desert, and mountains all within a short car ride.

So I thank God for helping me be well enough to attend both weddings, and even though I had "issues" I enjoyed Rhodie lake. Maybe in another 3 or 4 weeks I will be well enough to go fishing before summer is gone. I am sore this morning from the rough car ride up in the mountains but I do feel I am getting stronger everyday and look forward to being more active this week. Hopefully everyone had a great weekend.

Sunday Musing one day early

I did not want to skip this weeks Sunday Musing, but because of the party tomorrow, I thought I would write this today.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me.
John 10:27
Listening to God is a very real thing. We all can hear his guidance. It is not an audio voice or like voices are in your head, at least not for me. When I am "listening", and for me listening is being at peace, and regularly praying and watching for Gods blessings in life and nature, God will lead me in the direction best for my life or for the moment. The Catholic in me is big on prayer time. I love meditating with the help of the rosary. I love some of the old formatted prayers that I can use basically as a mantra. The Quaker in me prays in a more visiting way to God. Like two old friends, or maybe more like a child to a parent. Me being the child:) During devotion times, God will sometimes lead me to scripture he wants me to read and learn from. Other times, during the day, sometimes God stops me in my tracks with a sense that someone is in need of prayer or something God wants me to notice and learn from. Sometimes I wake up with God needing my attention about something. Now I am not saying God always talks to me, and it has taken me years to know the difference between my own thoughts and desires and a true leading from God. I still make a mistake once in a while. So for big decisions, I usually wait for verification or talk to another prayerful person.

This week, my cousin passed away. She was diagnosed the same week as I was with a different cancer. We kept up with each others progress and I have felt a bond with her for the last year and a half. On Wednesday, my sis told me that she heard that J. might pass away within the next couple days. On Thursday morning, around 1:30 am, I woke up suddenly. I laid there thinking "what's this about". After a while, I got the sense God wanted me to pray for J. Usually I will just lay there and pray, but something told me to get out of bed and kneel. I did. I prayed for J. to be at peace, I prayed for her not to be scared, I prayed for Jesus to comfort her like he did for my dad. After a long while, I got up, climbed into bed, woke LL up, and told him J. had passed on. And before I fell asleep, I asked my dad to welcome her and I felt a happiness in my heart that she was with her mom and dad. My sis came to my house around 6:45 that morning and said J. passed away earlier that morning. I am not sure if it was at the exact time I was praying, but I have no doubt I was a witness to her crossing over just as if I was there in her bedroom.

Now if some of you have not experienced this with God before, this might be the last post you are willing to read. But for those who have experienced it, you know what a wonderful confirmation this is that God is real and he is with us here and now.

I will be posting pictures later about yard cleanup and setup for the party. Have a blessed weekend.

Simple Gifts

In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.
Psalm 71:1

So often I question God. I sometimes think I am constantly being tested, and I come up lacking in faith and devotion. My life has not been without trials. Some I have (at least in my estimation) handled with grace. Some I have not handled well at all.

With my involuntary hermitage life, on rough days, I am often lonely during the day. On weekends and evenings I go from loneliness to frustration. There are many times my LL and family want to do things. Go to movies, restaurants, my son's shows, meetings, church and shopping. I try to encourage them to go without me. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. When I start feeling sorry for myself and question God, I look at my life and recognize how very lucky I am. Particular incidences and trials make life complicated, but my day to day life is beautifully simple.

Most of the things I enjoy now are things people did 50 yrs ago.

Baking, gardening, and cooking.

Visiting family. Well in this particular picture I don't look like I am having much fun, but I am sitting next to my bro David. So no wonder:)

Spending time outside. I can't get enough of being outside. Fishing, walking, picnicking, and biking. When my body allows me to, you will always find me outside.

Taking the time to remember loved ones gone.

By taking a bouquet to their grave to honor them.

God has allowed me, somewhat by force, to have a slow and simple life. So I am trusting in Him, and I thank Him for my day to day blessings.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In every way acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.

Proverbs 3:5 and 6

God's Precious Flower

This Poem might not be "politically correct" anymore. But I still love it. I do not know who to credit writing it to. It is fitting because my Dad always said people like Kathy, my sister, and Max, my son, are Gods precious flower.


God's children are the little ones
Who will forever dwell
Where childhood glows with golden suns
And moonlight miracles.
These children cannot leave the walls
Of infancy to grow
Into adulthood's marble halls
Where other children go.
Like angels on this earth they stay,
The beautiful and odd,
From heaven just a step away,
And very close to God.



God and I have had many conversations about why some in this life are born without a fair shake. Never to have the choices most typical people have. Yes, we could talk about original sin, or 7 generations of trials. But those arguments are not helpful to a mother when she has a lifetime to grieve for the unjust challenges her child faces. I have yelled at God. I have tried to bargain with God. I have accepted what I do not understand. Frankly, my Sis and Son are wonderful people who, for my own sake, I wouldn't want to change. Because to take away their challenges would probably make them different people. But for their sakes, I can honestly say I wish they would have been born "typical". I warn God everyday that he has some explaining to do when I go home to him. But until then, I just accept. Somethings will never be revealed in this life.

On May 24, my oldest sibling turned 57. Kathy was my Dads precious flower from God. Yesterday, my mom and Kathy's siblings celebrated her birthday. Here is some pictures.

The Birthday Girl! Kathy Arlynn


Kathy and my mother

David, Kathy and Doug

I know just how she feels. My brothers always make me feel the same way:)

Us four girls. Look how happy we are. We knew cake was on it's way.

Kris, Kathy, Karen, and me

Just wish my Dad was here to be in this picture. I think the only person that misses him more than me is Kathy.

We are a loud, high strung family. We fight hard, laugh hard and love hard.

Have a joyful Sunday,

Konnie

P.S. Delta Dawn is Kathy's favorite song.

Quaklic?-Sunday Musings

I feel I have always been a very spiritual person. I always had a personal relationship with God and consider Jesus a close friend, even as a small child. I was raised in the catholic church. Attended mass every week, went to catechism, was baptised, first communion, confirmation, I was married in the church, my children was baptised in the catholic church.

When my children were small, my husband and I decided to look into different churches. In researching about different beliefs, I came across a faith that seem to fit what was in my heart. The Friends Church. Most people know it as the Quakers. There was only one friends church in my town. It is considered an evangelical friends church. We attended for about 10 years. I knew this particular church did not suit us well. Even though it was called a friends church, I considered it more of a community church. Open worship seemed to be an after thought that would easily be eliminated when service would be running long. The Iraq war had been going for a few years and nothing was said about it from the pulpit, or from any of the elders. I voiced my concerns to those in charge. Nothing changed, so we left. I started going to Mass on Sundays while trying to decide what to do. I then was diagnosed with cancer, continued attending my childhood faith, which was very comforting when I was so scared.

I don't go to any church service at this time. Since my last surgery, my "digestion" situation makes it very difficult being in a crowd and attending something on a weekly basis. But I miss the fellowship. If I could attend, which faith would I practice? Well that is a good question. On the surface there are not two more different christian faiths.


Catholics believe and practise infant baptism. Quakers believe in baptism of the spirit.

Catholics believe that during communion, you are consuming Christs blood and body. Quakers believe communion is becoming one with God spiritually.

Quakers attend meetings which usually include and sometimes only have Open or Silent worship. You sit quietly, praying, sometimes reading scripture, listening for Gods leadings and if you feel truly led, you might get up and speak about what God has put in your heart.

Catholics attend Mass which has liturgy, sacraments. One of the beautiful things about Mass is that you can attend anywhere in the world and still know what is going on and are able to take part.

Catholics rely on the Pope and his infallible decisions where spiritual guidance is concerned.

Quakers have the queries which are a series of questions to get you thinking where you are headed, and guide you. Quakers are very big on individual relationship with God, that there is a light inside all of us.

So the doctrines, or in the Quakers case, lack of doctrines are very different for both faiths. But they are both rich in traditions, very reverent and both believe in Inspiration.

I know most would think it is impossible to belong to both. Yes, I imagine leaders in both churches might have a problem with that. But I love both traditions.

The Catholic Faith- The Mass is one of the most beautiful, comforting traditions. So are the outward sacraments. I just don't believe you must take part in these for salvation.

Quaker faith- I love open worship, I love listening for Gods leadings, I believe all human life is sacred, not just babies, but criminals and soldiers from another country. I believe in simple living.

So my question is do I have to choose? Can I call myself a Quaklic? Do I need one label or the other? Can I enjoy the best of both faiths at the same time? I believe my relationship with God and Jesus doesn't depend on what faith I practise. My love for my Savior is deep and secure. But I love both churches, practises and traditions. Since I am not able to attend any service right now, it shouldn't matter. But it does. In my heart I want to know who I am.

So for now I am a Quaklic.