A Steeple Race

Today I am going to my oncologist.  Afterwards, I hope to hightail it to Mt.Angel.  The Steeple is coming down for repairs.  I took pictures of the before yesterday, and hope to get to St. Mary's before they actually take it down.  I thought you might enjoy the pictures.  I don't think my doctor's appointment will take long.  I just don't know how long it will take for them to remove the steeple.  Oh boy, oh boy, I hope I make it:)

Trade Is Made

I was far from my Grandpa's favorite grandchild.  My sister Karen would play accordion for some of the dances my grandparents went to.  She was pretty close to them.  My brothers, being boys and my grandpa, being a farmer, well there is a bond that just happens naturally.  But when it came to my sister Kris and I, I guess we were just silly girls in his mind.  I remember the only compliment I ever got from my grandpa was when he had brought boxes of fruit to my mom, I unloaded all the boxes and he said, "She's got a strong back, not much on brains, but a strong back."  As far as a compliment from my grandpa, that was as good as I was going to get.  But I and Kris did something great as far as my grandpa was concerned.  He loved the men we married.  Grandpa bonded with my brother-in-law about baseball and sports, and he bonded with LL about cars.

I mentioned in the previous post about my grandpa thinking LL's had a great ability to deal in cars.  This reminds me of a story years and years ago.  Once in a while, when my Grandpa Purdy was alive, we would have him over for dinner.  One time, while living in Woodburn, LL, I and my two small boys, went to Grandpa's house to pick him up and take him to our house for dinner.  LL had just bought a station wagon, I think it was an Oldsmobile.  Grandpa comes out of his house and before getting into the car, had to take a look over.  Of course LL opened the front to show the engine for Grandpa to inspect.  After a while, we got into the car for the 20 minute car ride to our house.  Grandpa had to have the details of the sale.  LL told him how much he sold our previous car, then how he wheeled and dealed for the wagon.  Oh, Grandpa was so proud, kept saying "You sure know your cars", etc, etc.  Oh they were so happy with each other, my Grandpa and LL.  It's how they bonded.  While they congratulated each other and LL taking a corner in the road, with me and the kids in the back seat, the little air window in the back, flew off and crashed to the ground on the road.  Grandpa asked, "what was that sound?"  LL looked at me from the rear mirror, and me not wanting to ruin my Grandpa's image of my husbands great talent, just said, "Oh it was nothing Grandpa."  and we left the window on the side of the road.

So on that note, LL picked up our truck he traded our Van for.  We went for a drive and I think I can manage it if he takes out the high tool box in back.  I am a short girl and can not see the back with the box in it.

So, I hope it was a good trade.  I think it is, and I am sure my grandpa is looking on thinking, "Geesh, he did it again, that boy knows his cars".

Trying always to catch up

Why do I fight my nature.  I know, no matter how I try to be balanced, I guess I am an unbalanced person.  I try to make a point of keeping up on housework.  Wishfull thinking.  I try to daily corespond on e-mail, Face book and blogs.  Not so much.  I try to keep up on politics and the days news.  But too often can't stand it. 

The only constant lately has been health, my diet and family.  Really, I know that probably is an ok thing.  I have not on purpose poluted my body with gluten.  That is a huge deal.  I, although not always successful, have been eating no processed, whole foods for the most part.  And when it comes to certain family appointments or activities, I have made sure my eating has not got in the way. 

But I am doing catch up on everything else.  I go on FB and find that I have a new niece I did not know was coming, and I find out world happenings a day late.  If I put it into perspective.  50, 20, or even 10 years ago, we did not have FB, the e-mail was not so prevalent.  No texting, very little 24 hour news.  But because that is the here and now, I feel left behind.  A day short.  Always missing a beat.  Am I the only one that feels this way? 

I need a Yogi

Time gets away from me so easily.  My days blend in and before I know it, another week has gone by.  I know, it's only Wednesday, but when you belong to a large family and you personally have things going on, even a hermit feels like there is not enough hours in the day.  Hermit..........I really have been less of a hermit lately, thanks to watching my diet like a hawk.  Anyway..........I ended up spending most the day with Mom today.  I also got great news.  My doctor told me my scans showed no existing cancer.  I also have OK news about Kathy.  We have been granted an extension on her funding.  This means she does not need to move right away, but we will need to still aggressively look at all our options.

When I think about my days and wonder why I feel like I am always trying to catch up, I do know I have the privilege of being able to help when things get hairy for other people.  My mom hasn't felt well this week.  Probably a bug, but today we got her into the doctor and took her to the hospital for a couple tests.  Nothing bad developed from the tests and hopefully in a few days she will feel better.  Then there is my son Max.  When dealing with his disabilities, there is always going to be bumps in the road.  And he has been feeling low.  But again, I have been able to help him through this and I hope he will be feeling better for a while, (until next time).

Thinking about my own "issues" and how time consuming it is to keep me functional, and losing sleep over any aches and pains until test results come back, well that is the real enemy.  Worry.  Worrying really does no good and at times makes things much worse.  I can go a few weeks living my simple life, feeling peaceful, sometimes joyful, sometimes lonely, but all in all.......Well and thankful to be alive.  And then I go through days like the last few where I worry about my health, worry about my mom, worry about Max, and worry about LIFE.  And it feeds off itself and does no good. 

But I know myself and know that this too shall pass.  It comes in spurts.  I should be celebrating my good doctor's report, Kathy's reprieve, and the upcoming Easter holiday.  But because of lack of sleep, and wanting my mom to be her spunky self, wanting Max to be his delightful self, I am just running on empty for a bit.  Hopefully, a good night sleep, and a good day for my mom and Max will make things better.

On a up note, when waiting at the hospital today, I looked at a magazine called Cure.  It is a whole magazine devoted to Cancer.  Well I swiped it.  Oh I will return it, but there was a couple articles I wanted to read.  One was on Chemo brain.  It does exist.  Some doctors for years denied that chemo damaged the brain.  But now I know there is evidence that the treatments can cause a lot of cognitive damage and that it sometimes takes a long time to recoup the brain function.  So I am not crazy.  Just taking my time to recoup:)
Also, another article talked about the huge benefits of yoga for cancer survivors.  I have not started doing yoga which was recommended by my doctor.  I think, had I been doing yoga these last few days, I might have been able to sleep better and feel less stress.  So anyone who talks to me for a while, ask how my yoga is going.  Need to stay accountable, you know!

The Human Sprinkler

Today I have my CT-Scans.  Comparing this test to so many other tests and procedures, this is a piece of cake.  I am up early so I can have my coffee.  I can't eat or drink for 3 hours before test, except the barium drink.  Yuk.  I drink 15oz of this thick chalky drink 2hrs 15mins. before test, 15 more oz 1 hour before.  And 15 more ounces right before test.  I will wear a diaper and hope for no accidents before test.  I will lay on a table, they will but an i.v. in me and shoot dye that makes me hot all over and feel like I am peeing my pants.  Then they run me through a tube a few times while I hold my breath.  That's it.  Then I will have "issues" for a long time afterwards because of the barium drink.  Not too bad of a procedure, the worse part is just drinking the stuff.

This has made me think back to all the tests and procedures I have had over the last couple years.  I have been in positions with my bare bottom and a room full of men so many times, I really have no embarrassment any more.  But the worse time was when I was having a test that required me to drink really thick chalky stuff, I had an ileostomy at the time and they made me take my pouch off so they could put a scope through my stomach.  They also gave me a barium enema up my bottom at the same time and while doing this, told me to hold it.  Well, just wishing it so, isn't going to make it happen.  They had to keep putting the stuff up me, and shoot pictures, roll me around in my own mess, put more stuff up me and so on.  In the mean time I have the other stuff I drank shooting out of the hole in my stomach as they tried to get a scope in there.  After they were done, this young man around my son's age helped me off the table, held a diaper at my stomach while I put another diaper on.  All while in a room with a doctor and two other technicians.  All men.  Oh the humiliation.  So this nice young man walks me to the bathroom and through my tears, I ask him to get my husband. 

Now this is the reason I know my dear LL is probably never going to leave me, because this would have been the time if any for him to run.  He walks in, I am sitting on the toilet with diarrhea, crying, stuff shooting out of my belly, and I start to throw up.  Now that's real talent.  Most people, when sick, can have diarrhea and vomit at the same time.  I had the talent of having stuff come out of my three ways at the same time.  And LL had the privilege to witness it.  Poor man had to clean the floor, help me get dressed, I couldn't get myself dry enough for a new pouch so I had to keep putting towels and diapers on my stomach, and he had to get a wheel chair and push me out of the building fast,  then drive me 35 minutes home.  I must say this is how weird we are.  While sitting there with my body acting like a sprinkler, LL and I both got the giggles so bad we were practically hysterical from laughing.  Yes, he is a keeper.

So today really is not that big of a deal, the hardest part is just waiting for the results.

Dreams, Who Needs Them!

I know!  Three posts in one morning:) Not wanting to be a Debbie Downer here, but honesty is the best policy on this blog. 

I slept last night.  Would have rather been up all night.  I wish I knew how to control my dreams.  I don't.  Dreams seem irrational for the most part, but sometimes it gives me insights on hidden thoughts and fears.  I kept dreaming all night that my cancer was back and dreamt every scenario you could imagine.  I kept waking up between dreams and would notice a catch or slight pain in my side and would think, *here it is, I have cancer in my side*.  I then would go back to sleep, continue to dream, wake, feel another pain and imagine the worse. 

Then I got up and for the second time in a week, I made the coffee but forgot to put the pot under the drip. What a mess!   Before now, I have only done this a couple times in my life.  So I continued my irrational thoughts and thought, *there it is, I have brain cancer*.  This is about the time LL got up and I told him of my night, dreams and brain cancer.  Well he knows how to deal with me and laughed and basically said my brain has never worked right and I have nothing to fear.

Thanks Honey..............I guess:)

Happy Birthday Reggie!

Dear Reggie,
 Happy Birthday Elton. I have loved you since I was 9 years old.  I was so sad at 13 years old when I found out you liked men.  But I still dreamed of being your best friend.  I have seen you in person around 10 times and you never disappoint.  So glad you are still making music, and hope someday to meet you.  ( A girl can dream).
With great affection,
Konnie
 (you might remember me, I am the one at your concerts who screams the loudest).

Forgetting is a Dangerous thing

This week, on March 25, is the 100th anniversary of the Triangle Factory Fire. It is very important that we do not forget important nation turning events.

Now is a time of shared sacrifices.  Now is a time for some compromises.

But it is Never a good time for Union Busting!!  Public or Private

So often we as a nation have a short memory and need to relearn lessons the hard way.  I hope this is not yet another time.

Whether you belong to a Union or not.  (My LL and my Kids do not)  You have the lessons learned from this tragedy, and unions who pushed for labor laws to thank, if you are safe and somewhat secure in your job.

This week, HBO has a special on the Triangle Factory Fire.  I hope to watch it.  And down below is a link to a nice article that will give you some details.  Please check it out.

 History Buff

I Am, I hope

I have been to the movie theater probably 3 times in the last 2 years.  Rarely is there a movie that I really want to see before it  comes out on dvd.  But right now, LL is driving Bailey and a few others to the Portland Airport and will be back here around 9:00am.  I am trying to figure out how I can talk him into turning around 2 hours later and take me to Portland to see a documentary that I just don't want to wait to see.  It is titled I AM  and here is a site you can go and check it out.  http://iamthedoc.com/  I love seeing documentaries like this and with it raining and LL having a furlough day, I think it is a perfect day to go to Portland and see a good movie.  It is only playing in Portland at this time.  Then, I can talk him into going to Whole Foods.  Well that might be asking a bit much from him, but I will try.  I am not eating breakfast until he gets back, just in case I can talk him into it.  Keep your fingers crossed for me:)

Japan Is Not Forgotton

I have been reading over the last couple days in blogs, articles and even on Face book, the frustration of some,  that others seem either oblivious or uncaring about what the people of Japan are going through.  Talking about mundane, everyday things like the weather, gas prices and so on.  I have been thinking this over for the last day or so.  I, in the past, have blogged when a natural disaster has occurred.  I talked about my thoughts, horror, and prayers.  But this is the first time since Friday, that I have mentioned the earthquake, tsunami, and the apparent nuclear disaster in Japan on my blog.  Why have I waited till now.  Why did I not talk about the tsunami, small that it was, here in Oregon?  I guess it comes down to processing and compartmentalizing. 

I must say I am having difficulty processing and fully understanding this tragedy.  It is of biblical proportions.  I watched all weekend, the video of the tsunami hitting, earthquake damage, terror on faces.  I have had losses and hurts in my life, but for the life of me, I can not imagine what these poor people are feeling.  I don't think a word has been invented to encompass the magnitude. 

Then there is compartmentalizing.  This is what I think most people are doing right now.  This is why people still make their complaints of small issues, and go about their day normally.  I think when I was younger, I might have felt frustrated and judgemental that people must not care because of life going on as usual.  I don't believe that anymore.  And haven't in years.  I, through maturity and experience, know we must have empathy, we must give, donate, and mostly pray.  But I also know we must continue on. 

I remember September 11, 2001 like it was yesterday.  The first plane hit the tower when I was getting ready for work.  I did not want to leave home, but I did.  I got to the office and learned of the second tower being hit.  At the office, they set up a TV in a room with chairs, so people could pop in for updates.  For an hour, I did so.  But I had 3 different schools who were expecting my help.  So I left the office and did my job.  My job was to teach special needs children and train the adults who were their teachers.  All the adults in the classroom knew full well what was happening in our great country and that things would never be the same.  But we conducted ourselves as if nothing happened the best we could.  Smiled like usual, showed patience like usual.  The last thing children, who had no way to understand and process the tragedy needed, was the burden of fear.  And fear is all they would have felt without the benefit of understanding the context.  I compartmentalized and carried on as normal.  I had to.  And I think that is basically what people are now doing.  I believe most people care tremendously about the people in Japan and when I see life looking like it is just continuing on as normal, I choose not to judge.  Most people's hearts are good, caring and horrified about what their fellow world citizens are going through.  But we humans are good at compartmentalizing.  We can donate, pray, and think often of those who are suffering, but we must continue on.

And The Oscar Goes to........

Bailey and I!!  24 awards given out tonight, Bailey and I guessed right on half, 12.  Kane was second with 11.  LL did not participate.  And Rett kept guessing right after the winners were called.  I told him if he wants to participate next year, he better do his homework.  I think he said "yes ma'am.  So yet again another Oscar year goes by.  Frankly the only award I cared about was Colin Firth and he won.  I want to thank the academy for being patient with all the arguing in my living room this evening.  I want to thank God for not letting us get too ugly.  I want to thank my mother who always knows I will come up on top.  Thank you and good night.

Oscars

Yesterday, LL read my previous blog post and is now calling me Phyllis Stone.  He is as weird as I am.  I was hoping to do some photography yesterday, but it was blooming cold.  Today is suppose to be a little warmer but the rain is coming, but if I can fit in a trip to the Oregon Gardens after it opens and before it rains, I am hoping to get some great shots.

Today is the Oscars.  Kane and I have a tradition of going down the list, making our guesses and see who gets most right.  Yes we are dorks.  I think I am always at a disadvantage because I rarely see any of the movies, but I think I have won the last two years.  LL plays also, but he never does well.  This year in particular, I have not seen a single movie that is nominated.  There are so many categories but here is a few of my guesses.

Best Actor-Colin Firth, I am choosing him because I have loved him ever since he was Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice.  He is in my heart, the one and only Mr. Darcy.  Kara agrees with me, I think.

Best Supporting actor-This one is hard because I have heard Christian Bale was fabulous.  But I am choosing Jeffery Rush.

Best Actress-This also is a hard one, from what I heard, it is between Natalie Portman and Annette Bening.  I am going to choose Natalie Portman.

Best Supporting Actress-I have been hearing Melissa Leo will get this, but I am going against the tide and choosing Amy Adams.  But Hailee Steinfeld might end up winning.  Again I have not seen any of the movies, but I love Amy Adams, she is lovely in all that she is in and critics say she was spot on in her role.

Best Picture-Been hearing Black Swan will likely get this, but am going to choose King's Speech.  Just because of my love of Colin Firth again.

I usually get the biggies like above wrong, and do well on the awards like screen writers and cinematography.  We'll See this year. 

I Feel Pretty, Oh so Pretty

Got my hair done.  Kris did end up weaving and making me blond.  If there was a scale between Sharon Stone and Phyllis Diller, I fall somewhere in-between.  Probably closer to the pre-plastic surgery of Phyllis Diller, but Kris isn't a miracle worker.  But I feel so much better.

The snow is all gone, but Oregon in now as cold as an ice cube.  A few days ago, it was an easy call for LL and I to decide this weekend would not be a good time to take Marlin out for the first time for the year.  No plans for the weekend. 

Good news for Henrietta, I was about ready to call my enabler, Aunt Leone, and switch a couple chickens but yesterday, Henrietta gave me an egg so I am going to give her more time to see if she will produce regularly.  This makes me happy because Henrietta is my favorite.  Hannah, you better start doing something because you have been a thorn in my side ever since I got you.  Hannah is the chicken who has yet to learn to behave.  Must say I admire her spunk but have never warmed up to her spunkyness like I have Harriet.  Harriet is on top of the pecking order, and Henrietta is at the bottom.  I am sure Hannah just fuels the discord between the other two.  Darn Her!!

I am doing really well on the elimination diet.  So far all the foods I have reintroduced are digesting well.  I have no pain and have more energy.  I even went to the grocery store yesterday around 2:30 in the afternoon.  Afternoons are usually the trickiest time of the day so I rarely go out at that time.  And I might add I have not wore a diaper for three days.  I'm a "Big Girl Now"!

Hair

This morning I am looking forward to going to Woodburn with Kris and Mom.  My sister Karen does my mom's hair every week on Friday.  While she is getting her hair done, Kris is going to put some color on and also cut my hair.  She wants me to go more blond but we wont be able to weave color in my hair today, because it takes a lot longer,hopefully can in a week or two.  But I am so happy to be getting my hair cut.  I was going to grow it out, but I just can't do it.  It just isn't me I guess. 

Snow has dusted our house again over night, but not alot.  Hopefully the roads are not icy. 

Just wanted to post quickly here this morning and maybe blog a little more later.  Have a great day.

Life As Konnie Is Never Normal

I have been preparing to go to the Oregon beach for the next few days.  Garbage and recycling out, kitchen somewhat clean, etc. etc..  I packed my cutest clothes, which with my expanding body is getting more difficult to select.  Then I put on my outfit.  Black pants, grey and striped shirt, black high healed clogs, grey poncho with a beautiful broach that was my great grandmas.  I was cute darn it!  But I needed to do the last minute check on my chickens.  I put some fresh cedar bedding in the nests.  I decided, because I told my neighbor he could have the eggs, I should move the tub that I time to time empty out into the compost.  You know, the urine bird poop, rain water filled tub.  Well while moving it, as I placed it down, a big splash of urine, poop and rainwater splashed to my face, my shirt, my pants, my shoes.  What the heck was I thinking.  Now, as writing this, I found crop pants that sorta fit, and a, what I must confess too tight top, and sandals to put on, because all my cute and well fitting stuff is in the trunk of the car.  Life as Konnie is never normal.  As usual:)

Football Lessons Would Be Nice

Yes, I am up in the middle of the night...........again.  I do have hopes of going back to bed though.  Today is the big Super Bowl Sunday.  If I were honest, I am not much of a football fan.  I understand basketball and baseball very well.  I enjoy watching basketball, college is so exciting, but I also love the Blazers.  Baseball, although I understand the game, unless I am watching it live, I get little enjoyment watching a game on TV.  Football is a game I could really get into.  But I don't understand it.  And, have you ever tried to ask a man questions during a game.  Ummm, at least LL doesn't have the patience for it.  I do understand enough to not embarrass myself to bad, I mean, I do know when to cheer "First and Ten, do it again, go over, go over".  And I do cheer it almost every time the cheer is appropriate, which again, tries LL's patience.

So I will attempt if physically up to it, to watch the whole game.  I mean, who doesn't love the commercials?  I also am a Black Eyed Peas fan.  I know.  You didn't think I was the type.  Well I will have you know, I have had one of their Cds on my Christmas list for the last 2 years.  OK, I haven't got a CD yet, but still. I like Fergie and Will.i.am.  So, even if I do not make it through the game, I will definitely make it through half time.  Then there is the food.  Why does food taste better on Super bowl Sunday.  Any food.  We are having Pizza for the pre-game birthday party for Max.  And rumor has it, Karen went all out having a friend make a very special cake for the occasion.  Then later, taco soup, corn bread, nachos, chicken wings, shrimp cocktail and crackers, valentine cookies are all on the menu.  Now this is the problem.  If I have any hope of making it through the day, I should fast.  And since I have lots of "issues" the last few days, I am it lots of pain and definitely could use a day or two relief that might come from fasting.  But, do I have the discipline?  Not likely:(  Well we will see.  I am going to try really hard to make it through Max's celebration though.  No one enjoys his own birthday party like my Maxy.  He is my sweetie.  He's a momma's boy and knows it.  And today, I get extra hugs from him.  What could be better than that. 

So Happy Birthday Max.  I hope to take pictures of our day to post later on.  Wish me luck getting through.  Oh, I will have a good time one way or the other I am sure.

Favorite Things

I spent a little time this morning reading web sites on how to have a successful blog.  One thing that kept popping up time and again is that no matter what kind of blog you have, political, decorating, food, photography, religious etc., you have to personalize the blog.  It is recommended the blogger is to share personal likes, dislikes, and opinions on matters.  Well, since this whole blog is of a personal nature, I think I have already answered most of the listed questions on various posts.  When I look at some of the questions, I feel like if answering them, I am enrolling in a dating service.  But I might give it a go.

Favorite color-Blue

Favorite food-Well that depends, sweets would take me to a good truffle or a yummy glazed donut.  But if I am going out with LL somewhere special for dinner, my first choice would always be lobster.

Favorite music-Genre would be Rock/Pop, but favorite song would be Burn Down The Mission by my Elton.

Religion-Raised Catholic, lots of Quaker influences.  I guess I consider myself a Christ Follower.

Politics-I belong to one Party, but don't fall into a strict line of thinking.  I consider myself a populist.

Marital status-Married to my high school sweetheart for 26 years.

Favorite movie-Doctor Zhivago

Favorite TV show-Northern Exposure

Dog or Cat person-Dog, but really like any sort of animal except mice and snakes.

Favorite book-Jane Eyre  Although I love reading Walden

Favorite quote-I would love to come up with a very meaningful quote by Mother Teresa or Gandhi but the only quote that comes to mind is from Steel Magnolias "Do you have a reindeer up your butt". 

Favorite Flower-roses, tulips and lilacs.  I can't pick one

Hobbies-Photography

What makes you the happiest-Spending time with my family.  All my family.

What makes you the angriest-Injustice to the most vulnerable. 

There are many more questions, but some are really too personal like Have you ever tried pot-I would answer yes to a pot of stew, a pot of corned beef and cabbage but if they are talking about marijuana, I plead the fifth:)

The questions above are just a sample of the long list.  So many of the questions do not really ask things I have already shared on my blog.  Like I love polka dots and Tye-dye, I care very much about the environment, I love my animals and wish I could have more.  The most important thing in my life is my relationship with God although I do not blog enough about this.  The second most important thing in my life is my family.  Always has been, but since my cancer, I do not take for granted any time I can spend with LL, kids, Mom, Siblings, nieces and nephews, aunts, uncles and cousins.  When I am physically unable to meet with family, that makes me the saddest.  I am very pro-life, but not just when baby is in womb, but what happens after birth; hunger, health care, education, anti-death penalty, equal rights for everyone.  And I do mean EVERYONE.  I believe in the separation of Church and State.  I would rather be outside doing something then doing anything in the house.  I believe Elvis is dead, Elton is the greatest, and that I really don't care if Big Foot exists or not.  I do believe even though some think it is unrealistic, to quote John Lennon, "Love is all you need!"  My favorite Beatle is George although I think John was the smartest and Paul was the most talented (sorry Ringo).  I believe the best man-made thing on earth is music and I can't live without it.  I miss my dad everyday and will mourn him until I die.  I am so thankful to be alive and don't sweat over little things like I use to and have far more patience with people I disagree with even though I still think they are idiots.  Just kidding.

So I think that about covers things.  I think for anyone who has been reading my blog for a while, nothing new here, but for someone fairly new, this post will save you some time.

Oh forgot to mention four other important things.  I am my sister Kathy's guardian, also my son Max's guardian.  Two exraordinary people who happen to have special needs.  And I HATE shaving and wearing a bra.  Now I think I covered everything.:)

I love lucy

"I love sushi"

"Well I love Lucy"

"Who doesn't?  She's hilarious!"

Quote is from the movie Blast from the Past.

I do though.  I love Lucy.  Lucy Ricardo is probably my favorite TV character of all time.  That is saying something, because I also really love Ruth Ann from Northern Exposure and Hawk Eye from M.A.S.H..

So last weekend I recorded hours and hours of I love Lucy episodes to watch in the middle of the night when I can't sleep.  So guess what.  I'm am right now, 3:00 in the morning about to watch Lucy.  Now if I thought I had a prayer in the world of going back to sleep, the last thing I would do is put on a show that has me giggling as if I never seen the episode before.  But I know I am up for good.  You know.  Sometimes you can just tell.

My sister Kris and I both seem to channel Lucy and Ethel when we are together.  Which one is which?  Well I think we take turns.  And sometimes we are both Lucy at the same time.  This really irritates our other siblings at times.  But when it is just me on my own, well I can't even tell you how many times LL says to me "Lucy, you got some splaining to do".

There are so many "ideas" that get into my head over the years, it is hard to pick one or two.  One time years ago, LL and I argued for months about our living room floor in our previous home.  It had old dingy brown carpet in it.  We could tell there was hard wood floor underneath but had no idea what kind of shape it was in.  And because we had no money to replace the carpet, LL did not want to take the chance of ripping it up.  I did.  So one day, I literally watched LL drive out the driveway and I started removing furniture.  I knew I had to have the carpet pulled up and out the door, the staples pulled up out of the wood, the floor scrubbed, waxed and furniture back in before LL got home that evening.  Even now I do not know how I did it, but I know when he walked in the door that evening, I was sitting in the living room with the most self-satisfied look on my face.

I hesitate to even tell you this story because I come out looking like a ditsy blond.  But shortly after getting married.  LL walked into the house from work, and I was so excited I could not even stand it.  This is how the scene played out.

"Honey, Hurry up and come watch the news" I said.
"Why, what is happening?"  he said.
"Oh, This is so exciting, they have found a Rabbit Cat in Beverton." I exclaim.
"A Rabbit Cat?" He asks, confused.
"Yes, A Rabbit Cat!" I can not even contain myself.
"A RABBIT CAT?"  He asks even louder.
I am thinking *what is wrong with his hearing?*  "YES!  A rabbit cat!, do you think we can get one.  Oh I bet they are cute, I wonder if the hop and meow".
Well, it started dawning on him what he was in for, for the next 30 years.  He says in his most gentle voice possible because he knew it was going to be a let down for me.  "No Hun, not a rabbit cat."  Well by this time, I was indignant.  What is wrong with him.  Can't he see what a big deal this is finding a new species, a cross between a cat and a bunny.  And they found it so close to our home.  I said, practically yelling "Yes! A rabbit cat and I want one!" 
Well he let it play out right there for my humiliation.  Yes on the News they did have a story about such a cat.  A Rabid Cat.  A cat with Rabies.  Oh, I have made this type of assumptions time and time again in our marriage.

Now days, I think my husband thinks it might be a blessing that my health holds me back a bit.  Because I would have plans.  It would not matter that we live in the middle of town and it is against an ordinance, I so would have a goat out back that I could milk every morning.  I would be garage saleing every weekend, bringing home all sorts of items to "refurbish".  And along with my chickens that I do have, my two dogs, my imaginary goat, I would have a pot belly pig.  Yes I would.  After all, I have had two in the past.  Scarlet and Sofie.  Boy I could tell stories about me and the pigs, but I am saving those stories up for another blog post:)

Ointment my life

I am sitting here on a Friday evening, thinking a little about my life.  I just had a nice evening with my mom, watching HBO, and then coming home and watching my daughter's friend, showing his zumba moves.  It was fun.  But what I am really thinking about right now is how to get through the night with the least amount of pain as possible. 

I am very aware that lately I have been complaining more about my physical "issues".  I really have not wanted this to become a pity party blog, centered on my physical fallout from cancer.  But I am also finding out that things are not just resolving the way I had hoped a year ago or even 3 months ago.  I am finding that although controlling my diet does sometimes make situations more predictable,  it does not make life any where close to "normal".    Absolutely..............every morsel I eat is thought out depending on what I have planned up ahead 24 hours.  And I am finding what works one day, does not work the next.  I guess, that is the reason I am considered "disabled".  Even though I am the one who requested to be considered for disabled status, somewhere in the back of my mind, I guess pride or stubborness, I think, maybe I am going to be better next week, next month, or next season.  Then, I can get a job.  Work with the special needs kids I love so much, or even work as a clerk somewhere.  Frankly, I don't care where.  I would love to even work at McDonald's if I could bring home a pay check.

But what I am finding is a life of living 4 hours at a time.  What I mean by that is I can usually predict if I will be "OK" for 3 or 4 hour ahead of time.  Not always.  Sometimes, in the morning, I will think I can go out and be functional without the risk of accidents and pain.  Most of the time I am right.  Sometimes, I guess wrong.  When I am wrong, if I am at my mom's or sister's it is a little embarrassing but not a big deal.  When I guess wrong and I am in the public, it is horrifying.  I can't even describe the embarrassment.

This brings me to the things that make my life somewhat tolerable.  In my day, I have pantie times, and diaper times.  Most of my day I wear a diaper.  I know.  I think Oprah said there was nothing worse than wearing a diaper.  Just the other night I saw on a show someone saying when they have to wear a diaper...........just shoot them.  Oh how funny:(   Well although I like Oprah somewhat, and I know this other person was a naive idiot, it still hurts hearing that to some, nothing is more humiliating than having to wear a diaper.  People wear diapers.  48 year old women wear diapers.......I wear a diaper.  Get over it.  I think myself lucky if I go half the day with big girl panties.  That is my reality.  And then there is my ointments.

Because it is so much a part of my daily life, I have not thought a lot about the ointments that get me through my day. It is just a part of me that I don't put much thought into.   But, when helping someone else deal with their own "issues", I went through the process of what I go through every day to keep my bottom region healthy.  How absurd or inconceivable it must be to most people that ointments would be so important to a person.  Awhile ago, a friend of LL, who lost his colon years ago told LL that his best friend was his ointment that kept his bum healthy.  Well I can now tell you he was not kidding.  I have one medicine that helps me numb things when things are in process, I have another that keeps things healing when things are "normal", and then I have one that helps me when I have have open sores. 

Why am I telling you all this.  It is a process.  I have talked to you all about my surgeries.  My chemo, radiation, diet, etc.  But in reality, what affects me the most is the day to day pain of the fall out.  Yes wearing diapers is embarrassing sometimes.  Accidents are always embarrassing.  My diet is a struggle and mystery I am not ever sure I will figure out, but it is my actual physical pain in my "bum" that is the most debilitating "issue" I deal with.  When I am walking around the house, dealing with it, my daughter calls it the "howdy partner" time.  Visualise it.  You will understand.  So I guess for those in my blog world, give me prayers or good thoughts, and for those in my real life, understand when I don't attend things or say I am not feeling well,......You will know more what I am talking about.  So for tonight.  Howdy Partner, and Giddy up.  yes I am walking that way:)

Ghost Town

Last night, I was home by myself and decided to watch a movie on-line.  I watched The Truth About Spring on You Tube.  This movie has been a hard to find film which rarely gets played on TV.  So the fact that someone put it on You Tube a few months ago was a treat.

This movie stars Haley Mills, her father John Mills, and James MacArthur who just past away a few months ago.  If you have not seen this movie and you like a well made light hearted film, see it!

This morning, I got up early, like usual, and turned on the news.  What important story will be featured today?  Well the first news I heard was Sarah (Fergie) will be invited to the Royal Wedding.  I guess this is news worthy because last year, she was caught trying to sell access to her ex-husband Prince Andrew.  Speculation is that because she was friends with William's mum, and she is the mother of his cousins, it is not that inappropriate to invite her to the wedding. How silly can the press be, I know the real reason she is invited to the wedding.........Think how boring and stuffy the reception would be without her.  All the men in their morning coats and stiff upper lips, the woman with their large hats and cheerio-ing.  They need Sarah there to perhaps drink too much champagne and become the life of the party.  Well her and Elton.  Certainly I would invite him too.  Think how much fun the party would be then.  Maybe they should invite me:)  I can be the life of the party, darn it!  Oh I forgot, I have problems traveling because of my "issues".  Well, I bet I would get an invite if it wasn't for that.

Any how...........While at the Oregon Gardens, I walked around the Children's Garden for a while. 

The gardens this time of year are very empty and, well, dead looking.  But no place is eerier than the Children's Garden.  It feels like a ghost town.  A place that use to be bubbling with life, laughter and activities.  But now looks spooky and abandoned.

The little model train stopped and abandoned like the rest of the garden.

Oh but look, I did find two others sharing the children's garden with me.

They are such a cute couple. 

I needed to head home shortly after the visit to the Children's Garden, but first I needed to get one more picture of the sun starting to go down.

I am so looking forward to the first signs of spring at the Gardens.  Have a great weekend and Go Steelers, Go Packers!