Time gets away from me so easily. My days blend in and before I know it, another week has gone by. I know, it's only Wednesday, but when you belong to a large family and you personally have things going on, even a hermit feels like there is not enough hours in the day. Hermit..........I really have been less of a hermit lately, thanks to watching my diet like a hawk. Anyway..........I ended up spending most the day with Mom today. I also got great news. My doctor told me my scans showed no existing cancer. I also have OK news about Kathy. We have been granted an extension on her funding. This means she does not need to move right away, but we will need to still aggressively look at all our options.
When I think about my days and wonder why I feel like I am always trying to catch up, I do know I have the privilege of being able to help when things get hairy for other people. My mom hasn't felt well this week. Probably a bug, but today we got her into the doctor and took her to the hospital for a couple tests. Nothing bad developed from the tests and hopefully in a few days she will feel better. Then there is my son Max. When dealing with his disabilities, there is always going to be bumps in the road. And he has been feeling low. But again, I have been able to help him through this and I hope he will be feeling better for a while, (until next time).
Thinking about my own "issues" and how time consuming it is to keep me functional, and losing sleep over any aches and pains until test results come back, well that is the real enemy. Worry. Worrying really does no good and at times makes things much worse. I can go a few weeks living my simple life, feeling peaceful, sometimes joyful, sometimes lonely, but all in all.......Well and thankful to be alive. And then I go through days like the last few where I worry about my health, worry about my mom, worry about Max, and worry about LIFE. And it feeds off itself and does no good.
But I know myself and know that this too shall pass. It comes in spurts. I should be celebrating my good doctor's report, Kathy's reprieve, and the upcoming Easter holiday. But because of lack of sleep, and wanting my mom to be her spunky self, wanting Max to be his delightful self, I am just running on empty for a bit. Hopefully, a good night sleep, and a good day for my mom and Max will make things better.
On a up note, when waiting at the hospital today, I looked at a magazine called Cure. It is a whole magazine devoted to Cancer. Well I swiped it. Oh I will return it, but there was a couple articles I wanted to read. One was on Chemo brain. It does exist. Some doctors for years denied that chemo damaged the brain. But now I know there is evidence that the treatments can cause a lot of cognitive damage and that it sometimes takes a long time to recoup the brain function. So I am not crazy. Just taking my time to recoup:)
Also, another article talked about the huge benefits of yoga for cancer survivors. I have not started doing yoga which was recommended by my doctor. I think, had I been doing yoga these last few days, I might have been able to sleep better and feel less stress. So anyone who talks to me for a while, ask how my yoga is going. Need to stay accountable, you know!
Ombré Nasturtium Blossoms
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