Living an involuntary hermit's life. Working towards living a healthier, gluten-free, hopefully cancer free life with my 2 dogs, 3 chickens and loving family.

Living with intention

When stumbling through life isn't good enough anymore..... decide to be yourself and enjoy life, and pay attention to Gods gifts all around.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Show Me What I'm Looking For

Over the last couple weeks, I have been watching, like most of the world, the brave citizens of Egypt.  To see real change happen from peaceful uprising is quite inspirational.  While I am so happy to see the people of a nation, hope and make happen changes for a better life, and I am sure, getting rid of Mubarak was a necessary step for the better life; I am nervous for them, for Israel and for us Americans.  I pray for a true democracy there.  I, as a believer of the separation of church and State, have seen glimpses here in our wonderful country, the dangers of Church trying to impose it's values on the State as a whole.  I have also seen glimmers of the State trying to infuse secular ideas into religious institutions.  Whether Christian, Muslin, or other religions, Theocracies are very dangerous places.  I pray that Egypt does not head down that road.

With that said, I find the opposite should take place in my own personal life.  All my decisions should be guided by my Holy Spirit.  But this does not happen.  I, too often feel like I am swimming upstream, beating my head against a wall, finding it hard to make the changes in myself and my life.  But when I really look at what I am doing, I realise, I haven't even asked what changes need to happen, where should I be heading. 

Normally, I write a blog post and then pick a song that either reflects the post or reflects my mood.  For this post, the song, Show Me What I'm Looking For has inspired this blog post.  The song came first.  This is a song I hear often when riding in my daughter's car.  It's one of her favorite songs, and has become one of mine.  It has me thinking, why do I not change, improve, progress?  The line "Save Me!  I'm Lost" is exactly what I have not said in my prayers.  I have not asked to be shown what I'm looking for and where and who God wants me to be.  I just keep trying to be who I think I should be and failing miserably.  But I have hope.  I have hope because I don't have to keep beating my head against the wall.  I can quit swimming upstream.  I do not have to figure any of my life out by myself.  I just need to ask one thing in my prayers.  "Show me what I'm looking for."

1 comment:

ain't for city gals said...

Hello, I have read through most of your previous posts and just want to say that I think you are being way too hard on yourself...just reading about what you have gone through in the last few years and to where you are now is unbelievable..just to survive this type of cancer and to be two years in remission is fantastic! Your life has changed so much and it sounds like you still make the best of each day. I know it is all about the "numbers" on the exams...just want to say...from someone looking in from the are doing great and your family must be so proud of you!