Stop to smell the tulips?

Days like today make me feel guilty. I know. I know.......I, when living with "intention" should not waste time feeling guilty. And most days I don't. In fact I work hard not to fall into that old habit. But this morning I had a doctor appointment. It was a check up with my radiologist. She is this lovely woman who has taken very good care of me. She is just one of three cancer doctors I see regularly. Anyway, she walked in and asked how I was doing. Now I am not feeling guilty because I lied. I did not lie. I, in fact told her exactly how I was doing. I spent about 15 minutes telling her every frustration about my digestion, every dietary issue, every ache and pain. All the sadness I feel having to lead my day by my bowels. She was called out of the room for a few minutes and I had a huge wave come over me when I thought about how I sounded.

Here I am alive. A year ago I wasn't sure I would be around today. I certainly don't know for sure how long I will be around. So instead of whining like a ninny, I should be grateful. I should have a smile on my face all the time. But for whatever reason, today I was having none of that. The doctor came back in and examined me.

By this time I was feeling guilty and childish. Then she felt my abdomen and felt something. It is funny how within seconds your life really does flash before you. This has happened a couple times during the past year. Before I could get too worried, she said it was probably a hernia.

The bottom line is I am choosing to just chalk today up as a bad day. A little hiccup in my intentional living. For the most part I am paying attention, enjoying little things, choosing within the limits of my "digestion" how to spend my days. I am blessed everyday that God allows me to stay on this earth. I never forget this and do spend most days with a smile on my face. Today was just a big hiccup. Tomorrow I will resume intentional living and stop to smell the tulips!

These tulips are in my front yard. My mother
planted these last fall while I was so sick from

chemo. What a blessing my family is.