Living an involuntary hermit's life. Working towards living a healthier, gluten-free, hopefully cancer free life with my 2 dogs, 3 chickens and loving family.

Living with intention

When stumbling through life isn't good enough anymore..... decide to be yourself and enjoy life, and pay attention to Gods gifts all around.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Stop to smell the tulips?

Days like today make me feel guilty. I know. I know.......I, when living with "intention" should not waste time feeling guilty. And most days I don't. In fact I work hard not to fall into that old habit. But this morning I had a doctor appointment. It was a check up with my radiologist. She is this lovely woman who has taken very good care of me. She is just one of three cancer doctors I see regularly. Anyway, she walked in and asked how I was doing. Now I am not feeling guilty because I lied. I did not lie. I, in fact told her exactly how I was doing. I spent about 15 minutes telling her every frustration about my digestion, every dietary issue, every ache and pain. All the sadness I feel having to lead my day by my bowels. She was called out of the room for a few minutes and I had a huge wave come over me when I thought about how I sounded.

Here I am alive. A year ago I wasn't sure I would be around today. I certainly don't know for sure how long I will be around. So instead of whining like a ninny, I should be grateful. I should have a smile on my face all the time. But for whatever reason, today I was having none of that. The doctor came back in and examined me.

By this time I was feeling guilty and childish. Then she felt my abdomen and felt something. It is funny how within seconds your life really does flash before you. This has happened a couple times during the past year. Before I could get too worried, she said it was probably a hernia.

The bottom line is I am choosing to just chalk today up as a bad day. A little hiccup in my intentional living. For the most part I am paying attention, enjoying little things, choosing within the limits of my "digestion" how to spend my days. I am blessed everyday that God allows me to stay on this earth. I never forget this and do spend most days with a smile on my face. Today was just a big hiccup. Tomorrow I will resume intentional living and stop to smell the tulips!

These tulips are in my front yard. My mother
planted these last fall while I was so sick from
chemo. What a blessing my family is.

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