Living an involuntary hermit's life. Working towards living a healthier, gluten-free, hopefully cancer free life with my 2 dogs, 3 chickens and loving family.

Living with intention

When stumbling through life isn't good enough anymore..... decide to be yourself and enjoy life, and pay attention to Gods gifts all around.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Sadness And Need To Unload

I was going to write this morning about trying to live a more environmentally conscience life but instead I am needing to write a difficult post so I can unload and move on.

I try not to dwell too much about my having cancer. I talk a lot about the fall-out from the treatments and surgeries, but less about what it is like to have cancer in remission and the constant threat of it returning.

Last month, a lovely woman I have known for years, both our oldest boys are the same age, she lost her battle with breast cancer. She was a little older than me, but far too young to leave 3 young adult kids. This week, a woman who's daughter is also my son's age, passed away from cancer. She was diagnosed around the same time as me. I have known this woman for years. We went to the same church and would often see each other in the oncology clinic having treatments. I was praying for her as she was praying for me. Her funeral is tomorrow and I am not sure if my body will let me go to it. We'll see.

Next Monday I go to my oncologist for my quarterly checkup and see if my cancer has returned. I already have had the tests, just need to find out the results. I don't think it has returned but one never really knows. Anyway, I needed to unload about my sadness and express the little nagging fear that never quite leaves me. I hope to be done crying soon for Susan and get outside and get busy. It's a beautiful morning here in Oregon. I will post soon about my thoughts on living a more environmentally responsible life later, when my head clears and I return to a more hopeful mood.

Thanks for letting me unload.....and never fear I will be back to my normal-abnormalities soon.



dreamer said...

Sometimes you just need to allow yourself time to be emotional,grieve,get angry,be sad,be scared and all the emotions in between.Anyone whose family has been touched by cancer will have done this at some time,and relate to how you are feeling right now.Take care xx

Leanne said...


Anonymous said...

I wish there were some kind of wonderful words I could share with you to make this all better for you... All I know is you are loved by many and you are in our prayers and thoughts constantly.... Love You.. big sis

christyd said...


Anonymous said...

I never thought I would agree with this opinion, but I’m starting to see things differently.