Living an involuntary hermit's life. Working towards living a healthier, gluten-free, hopefully cancer free life with my 2 dogs, 3 chickens and loving family.

Living with intention

When stumbling through life isn't good enough anymore..... decide to be yourself and enjoy life, and pay attention to Gods gifts all around.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Reality Check

Warning-Talk about the fall-out from rectal cancer is in this post.......You have been warned.

The rectum is a miraculous part of the human beings anatomy. It allows you to hold the waste until a convenient time to go to the bathroom. The rectum is also responsible for the senses of knowing when you have to go to the bathroom. I can no longer hold or tell when I need to go because I no longer have a rectum.

I have been living my last 3 months like any day it will get better. Keep trying to get out and live somewhat normal. Well, last week I had two accidents in public. Once when I was walking down the road close to my house, another at the grocery store, leaving a grocery cart full of groceries. Yesterday I had an accident on the way home from Target. It was a very long 20 minute drive home. Sunday I had to run into my brother-in-law's house unannounced. How embarrassing. And today, I felt fine. Drove to my mom's five miles away, and by the time I got there I needed to run in and barely made it to the bathroom.

This brings me to a decision I am thinking about. I am considering not even trying to be in public anymore. I think I will only leave my little town for doctor appointments. Go to only really special occasions like my daughters graduation, which will require me to fast the day of and the day before. I can buy most everything from the big stores on-line. I can just make very quick run-ins at the grocery store for a couple items. I am not very social with strangers anyway. I am very shy.

My doctors say things might improve in a couple years. If not, I can consider an ostomy. Which I have had in the past and really don't want if I can avoid it. So I need to make a fulfilling life here at home.................................

I have my chickens to take care of and get fresh eggs from.

I have a big extended family that I can still visit, as they mostly live close by. They also can be here often.

I have a huge lot that I can make use of. I can extend the garden in the backyard. I can make use of the room in the flower beds. I can definitely raise more produce and preserve more which I enjoy.
So I guess my big town lot is going to become my little town farm. It sounds sad to some but I still have the hope that things will improve and my life is actually pretty rich but very simple. So if and when I get a new camera, my blog will be focusing more on garden progress and my life at home. I know that is what it has been mostly about already but even more so now. Hope to not bore you too much.


Leanne said...

That does sound totally frustrating for you.
Are there pads you can use for emergency - not a nice thing but help save you when caught out.

I like staying home alot too but understand there are times you need/want to go out.


Love Leanne

KJ's Restart Button said...

Yes Leanne, you are right, there are pads and I use them but without getting too graphic, when it starts it goes for a while. hopefully, it will improve but so far staying home more is the best answer. Thanks for the post.

lifeissweet16 said...


I really hope it improves for you.