Living an involuntary hermit's life. Working towards living a healthier, gluten-free, hopefully cancer free life with my 2 dogs, 3 chickens and loving family.

Living with intention

When stumbling through life isn't good enough anymore..... decide to be yourself and enjoy life, and pay attention to Gods gifts all around.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Digesting my Frustration

I really shouldn't complain.  When I complain about my "digestive" issues, I feel like a very ungrateful girl.  I should never take for granted my remission, and always thank God for the opportunity to live another day.  I am grateful.  But sometimes I just get frustrated.  I could write everyday about how my bathroom issues keep me from living a normal life.  But I would only depress myself and bore you terribly.  But I am particularly angry today about my lot in life. 

Over the last week, I have not been able to attend 3 different events I was really looking forward to.  Last Saturday, my sister Kris took the time to cut, color and style my hair.  I knew what I was going to wear on Saturday night and was looking forward to a fun evening at the Oktoberfest Kick Off Party.  But no go.  My "digestion" kept me home close to the bathroom.  There were a couple other places and things I was looking forward to this week.  But again, I couldn't attend.

Today the Oktoberfest is starting.  Last year, I was in the middle of my chemo treatments.  I went to the Oktoberfest for a day, but had to be in a wheel chair because I was so weak.  I am strong now but know at anytime, I will need to get to the RV FAST.  Hopefully without an embarrassing accident.  I had a bad accident this week while shopping and although I am sure no one knew, thanks to diapers, I was embarrassed all the same.

The thing is, most the time, my day is always dictated from what I eat, when I eat, do I feel safe enough to go somewhere, can I get dinner made before it starts up.  This is becoming the norm for me.  I really don't dwell on it too much.  I don't usually mind it too much.  I hate it when my issues keep the rest of the family from doing things.  But they are getting better at taking my word for it.  "Go, do, and have fun without me".  And I mean it.  But sometimes my disappointment is great. 

Today, I have a lot to do.  Yesterday, after I got my pie made, I started having a lot of problems and got almost nothing else prepared for our weekend RVing at the Oktoberfest.  I ended up with a lot of pain and had to take a couple percocets and spend the evening watching movies.  So I will quickly this morning, do what I can do.  Then hopefully get to Mt. Angel before the town children dance and do the May pole.  I love watching them.  I do feel blessed and thankful to have the RV so I am more likely to chance getting out and enjoying the festival.  Today my mom, cousins and aunts get together to browse the festival, then meet at the Wine Garten to listen to music, eat, and drink wine.  It's my favorite part of the whole weekend.  So I will do my best to be there so I can visit with them all.

Hopefully, tomorrow I will have some pictures of us and I will feel embarrassed to have even posted about this.  But I have promised myself to always be honest in this blog, and for today, these are my honest thoughts and feelings.  So............wish me luck:)


Renee said...


Poppy Q said...

Sorry to hear about your troubles Konnie. I went on holiday with friends last year, and had to get them to turn around during a walk, and head back to town because my digestive pipes were not going to hold on any longer. So I feel a bit of your pain.

Enjoy your time away though, I hope things settle down.

Julie Q

Dallas said...

You are an incredible woman, and i applaud you for your honesty and bravery. There are always going to be obstacles in life that we must be challenged to, but it is how we manage them that makes us who we are. Eventually the rainbow comes, and life feels a little easier. I hope one day you can look back on these experiences with grace, knowing what a fierce woman you are.