Well my day started normal. When I heard my mom get up, I shimmied out from under my man cave and sat with her while she drank her coffee. Eventually, that guy who's here sometimes came in and sat down. I put up with the bearded one, because every morning he scratches my back and occasionally gives me some toast. So the day did not feel any different. I had no idea what was up ahead.
After awhile, my Mom says, "lets go to grandma's" Oh how exciting! It's my favorite place to visit. So I look over at Rufus who never gets to go since that peeing on the recliner episode. He looks sad. But oh well, every man for himself. On the way, Mom tells me that Aunt Kristi has a surprise for me and that I will get my Christmas gift early. Oh Boy, Oh Boy! I find Aunt Kris has superb taste and I am sure it is designer treats that are shaped in all sorts of creative ways, like Cats. We get there and I have to wait, but eventually Aunt Kris comes and brings my cousin Todie. I try to be respectful of Todie. She is elderly after all. Well all the sudden, Aunt Kris grabs Todie and my mom grabs me and what do they do? They put these awful outfits on us. Where's my treats!
Oh the humiliation!
I look over at Todie, and she has this classy dress on. I want the dress. Then my mom started snapping pictures.
Oh they were laughing at us........LAUGHING!
Well about this time I started crying and Todie whispers in my ear "Buck up Chubby and quit your bawling". Chubby? Well I said "Look Bitch" yes I called her that. She is a female dog after all but that's not how I meant it. Anyway, I say "Look Bitch, you would cry too if you had to wear horizontal stripes. It would even be unflattering on your skinny and I must say far too long body." I did. I said it just like that. Well the look on her face, it reminded me of when LL called Aunt Karen a bitch to her face. Todie had the same look as my Aunt Karen. It was priceless.
See, here am I crying and the bitch whispering in my ear. Just as I described.
So mom took a picture of Aunt Kris and Todie in her lovely dress. I could wear a pretty dress. I am in touch with my feminine side. I am gay after all and Rufus is my partner. Oh Rufus. I hope Mom takes this off me before I face my sweetheart.
Even my Grandma betrayed me and took a picture of my mom and the rest of us.
Well after that, Grandma, Mom and Aunt Kris left for a while, and then came back. Mom put me in the car with the sweater still on. Oh Please take it off me before Rufus sees me. Well she didn't. On the way home, Mom told me she did not want Rufus to feel left out, so she bought something for Rufus. OH NO. My stunningly handsome boyfriend. She wouldn't make him look silly would she? So when we get home, I rush into the house ahead of mom to yell "Run Rufus Run". But before I could warn him, he took one look at me in my sweater and started laughing. Yes, Laughing. This, from the love of my life. So what did I do. I kept my mouth shut. Serves him right! So Mom calls Rufus in that baby talk she does sometimes. "Here Roovie". And the idiot obeyed. Next thing I know. Rufus is looking ridiculous and Mom is snapping pictures.
Sad isn't it?
Well after that, Rufus and I couldn't look at each other. We were both so humiliated.
After a while, my mom did take pity on me and took the sweater off. But she did say, "Wait till Dad gets home and we show him your new outfit". I can only guess she means that guy with the beard that keeps hanging around. Anyway..........
Even though she is the cause of my embarrassment, I would like to thank my mom for this opportunity to vent. It has been healing.