Living an involuntary hermit's life. Working towards living a healthier, gluten-free, hopefully cancer free life with my 2 dogs, 3 chickens and loving family.

Living with intention

When stumbling through life isn't good enough anymore..... decide to be yourself and enjoy life, and pay attention to Gods gifts all around.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Working Hard to Hardly Working

Not sure why I am writing this post.  Yes I do.  This blog has become at times, an outlet for my frustrations.  I come from a very hard working family.  Compared to most of the work horses I am related to, I am a lazy girl.  But I know from past experience, compared to many, I have been able to out work and get more done than most.  When I worked with children with autism, I had to travel far every morning, I would get there usually 30 minutes before my day was suppose to start.  I would usually leave well after my day was suppose to be done.  Some of my coworkers would spend much time visiting and chatting.  This use to frustrate me.  I was raised with the work ethic that you are getting paid to do a job and you need to earn it.  My feeling was, the tax payers are paying my salary and the special needs kids deserved the best I could give.  I still miss working with the wonderful students I encountered over the years.

So my way of thinking is........If I am home all the time, though not really my choice, my home should always be picked up and clean. I should provide a nice meal for my family every day.  Because I am not bringing home a paycheck, I should be creative in my household to save money, cooking, canning, home make gifts when appropriate, etc.  This is the expectation I have for myself.  No one puts this on me.  It's the work ethic my parents instilled in me.

So today, I look around at the disaster my house is in right now.  So much to do.  I really do have a full time job here if I choose.  Our property is really 3 lots.  Always things to clean up, plant, tend to.  Our house is over 3000 sq feet.  I have two spare bedrooms in disarray, and two bathrooms in need of a good scrub.  My frustration is that my body, even though I am still healing from all the surgeries and treatments, doesn't allow me to get a fraction of work done on many days. 

Yesterday afternoon, I had a very healthy and delicious dinner planned.  Salmon fillets, brown rice and steamed vegetables.  I had boxes to go through and general housekeeping chores to take care of.  None of it happened.  My whole foods diet is suppose to help things but I ate all the wrong foods on Sunday, and like I predicted, if eating a wrong meal, things would get really bad.  So my afternoon consisted with me running to the bathroom, and sitting very still to slow things down.  LL picked up dinner on his way home.  The evening had me sitting in bed and running to the bathroom.  The night, and I mean all night had me trying to get a few minutes sleep in between runs to the bathroom. 

So today, I am so tired.  I am sitting here hungry, not willing to eat knowing my body needs some hours of relief.  I look around and see so much to be done.  I love a house clean and organized, but feel like I am drowning in the disarray.  I feel lazy and somewhat helpless.  Not very attractive I can tell you.  So for today, I have no expectations.  The salmon really needs to be cooked today, toilets scrubbed, tons of things need to be put away from our busy weekend.  If any of this gets done today, I will feel it a victory.  So, lazy or not, I am what I am.
Here is a picture of my turquoise shelves with the new red background.  I love it.  See the santas on the bottom.  Got them at Goodwill a few weeks ago. 

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