Living an involuntary hermit's life. Working towards living a healthier, gluten-free, hopefully cancer free life with my 2 dogs, 3 chickens and loving family.

Living with intention

When stumbling through life isn't good enough anymore..... decide to be yourself and enjoy life, and pay attention to Gods gifts all around.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Waiting For New Normal

Happy Saturday to all you readers.  Today, I am again at the mercy of my bowels and have resigned myself to having a sitting in recliner or laying in bed kind of day.  After I blogged on Thursday, but before we left for the casino, I started having "issues".  LL and I drove a different car so everyone else would not have to wait for me.  After we got to the casino, I did play the machines for about an hour before we ate dinner.  I was in the room for the rest of the night.:(  I did get up and play the machines around 5:00 in the morning.  David and I did not win a dime.  So we cut our session short.  I spent the rest of the morning in the room, with more "issues".  We met at the Buffet for lunch, I decided "what the hell", might as well eat whatever I want because my body was bad already.  So I ate a nice healthy salad and then loaded up a plate with all the meat I wanted.  But after I sat down, I just couldn't eat it.  Oh I nibbled here and there but I just knew as bad as my body was doing, it was nothing compared to if I ate all that meat.  So I am sad to say I was a very wasteful girl and most the food was thrown away.

LL and I left around 2:00 for home.  It was a horrible long drive as I was still having "issues".  We got home and I remained either in bed or in the bathroom till this morning.  Today I am still having problems and so I will be sitting or laying for as long as it takes.  I am also not eating solids for a couple days to give my body relief.  Seriously getting tired of things getting bad no matter what my diet looks like.  But, I am hoping to be doing much better for Sunday and Monday and hope LL and I will go to Portland to Powell's Book Store.  What a treat that will be if I can make it. 

What I am finding is that occasionally I will have a few good days and think life is great and I might be able to have a normal life.  Then I occasionally have horrendous days like the last couple, where I think what kind of life is this that I can't even get up to do basic chores.  BUT for the most part, my days fall somewhere in the middle where I am not in pain and can get things done, but need to stay home and on guard.  Those are my regular, My normal days.  So with that as my baseline, I need to continue figuring out how to live the most productive, and fulfilling life possible.  And be at peace with this lifestyle.  Oh I haven't given up that I might heal more and still improve and gain more control.  But I just can't keep waiting for my life to get back to the old normal, which might never happen.  I need to expect the new normal. 

So today I am blogging my thoughts, I am watching a little t.v., and I am reading a book on my Kobo.  I am thankful Bailey is home today and doing a little housework.  LL and Kane are working on Kane's truck, and Max and his staff are hopefully gone somewhere having fun. 

1 comment:

Leslie @ Farm Fresh Fun said...

You have a wonderful outlook and I wish you continued and improved healing. Too bad you didn't at least win a little something to ease the trials of the trip! Hope you enjoy your next outing and bookstore visit. You are in my prayers!
ps- I love the new background!