Waiting For New Normal

Happy Saturday to all you readers.  Today, I am again at the mercy of my bowels and have resigned myself to having a sitting in recliner or laying in bed kind of day.  After I blogged on Thursday, but before we left for the casino, I started having "issues".  LL and I drove a different car so everyone else would not have to wait for me.  After we got to the casino, I did play the machines for about an hour before we ate dinner.  I was in the room for the rest of the night.:(  I did get up and play the machines around 5:00 in the morning.  David and I did not win a dime.  So we cut our session short.  I spent the rest of the morning in the room, with more "issues".  We met at the Buffet for lunch, I decided "what the hell", might as well eat whatever I want because my body was bad already.  So I ate a nice healthy salad and then loaded up a plate with all the meat I wanted.  But after I sat down, I just couldn't eat it.  Oh I nibbled here and there but I just knew as bad as my body was doing, it was nothing compared to if I ate all that meat.  So I am sad to say I was a very wasteful girl and most the food was thrown away.

LL and I left around 2:00 for home.  It was a horrible long drive as I was still having "issues".  We got home and I remained either in bed or in the bathroom till this morning.  Today I am still having problems and so I will be sitting or laying for as long as it takes.  I am also not eating solids for a couple days to give my body relief.  Seriously getting tired of things getting bad no matter what my diet looks like.  But, I am hoping to be doing much better for Sunday and Monday and hope LL and I will go to Portland to Powell's Book Store.  What a treat that will be if I can make it. 

What I am finding is that occasionally I will have a few good days and think life is great and I might be able to have a normal life.  Then I occasionally have horrendous days like the last couple, where I think what kind of life is this that I can't even get up to do basic chores.  BUT for the most part, my days fall somewhere in the middle where I am not in pain and can get things done, but need to stay home and on guard.  Those are my regular, My normal days.  So with that as my baseline, I need to continue figuring out how to live the most productive, and fulfilling life possible.  And be at peace with this lifestyle.  Oh I haven't given up that I might heal more and still improve and gain more control.  But I just can't keep waiting for my life to get back to the old normal, which might never happen.  I need to expect the new normal. 

So today I am blogging my thoughts, I am watching a little t.v., and I am reading a book on my Kobo.  I am thankful Bailey is home today and doing a little housework.  LL and Kane are working on Kane's truck, and Max and his staff are hopefully gone somewhere having fun.